Healthy Distractions / You have rights but so do smokers

Posted ByDiscussion Topic: You have rights but so do smokers
nalabeanSep 26, 2017 @ 9:48 AM
Posts: 92
Joined: Apr 09, 2017 (7:47 PM)

Age: 62
Gender: Female
Country: Canada
Occupation: retired
Hobbies: reading, gardening,baking
Bravo Tinkerbelle!
 You are so right about not having a self righteous attitude.
 my brother in law is the same as your friend. He quit years ago and would never fail to make digs about how I smell, that he just can't  "tolerate" people who smoke ....on and on. I think I kept smoking longer just to tick him off 😆. It's  those people that  give us non- smokers a bad name.
I was a smoker and now I am a non-smoker and proudly so, but i refuse to make my smoking friends uncomfortable. They too will quit on their own good time and if they don't  it's  their decision not mine. I still hang out with my smoking friends and always will becuse their friendship is precious and I have to learn to live with it. I enjoy the smell but don't have the  cigarette.  Plain ànd simple.
Congratulations on taking the higher road. 

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 4/9/2017
Smoke-Free Days: 170
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 680
Amount Saved: $353.60
Life Gained:
Days: 22 Hrs: 9 Mins: 26 Seconds: 55


Vix1976Sep 25, 2017 @ 5:55 PM
Posts: 302
Joined: Aug 16, 2017 (5:52 PM)
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Country: Canada
Hi tibkerbell2 Good for you! Couldn't agree more with everyone's comments here, you're right it's in our hands and we will keep our quits!

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 9/13/2017
Smoke-Free Days: 12
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 180
Amount Saved: $129.60
Life Gained:
Days: 1 Hrs: 4 Mins: 40 Seconds: 38

TreepeoSep 25, 2017 @ 3:43 PM
Posts: 768
Joined: Dec 27, 2016 (2:00 AM)
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Country: Canada
Occupation: Legal Assistant
Hobbies: reading, video games
Hi tinkerbelle2,
I could not agree with you more.  I can't stand an ex-smoker with an attitude.
A friend I used to smoke with at work and on vacation quit 10 years ago.  After she quit, she started looking down on me, gave me "looks" when I lit up, and made it clear she was impatient with me when we were out and I wanted a smoke.  She was supportive of me when I quit.  However, she has since admitted that she feels smug around people who still smoke, and does what she can to make them feel uncomfortable.  I told her that I hated her attitude.
We don't walk in other people's shoes, but we do know what it's like to be addicted and to struggle with our addiction.  So I don't think we have the right to judge anyone else.  And being holier than thou can actually make a smoker dig in their heels.  I remember when I encountered people like that, I would smoke more just to thumb my nose at them. 
I have sisters and friends who still smoke, and I would never deliberately do anything to make them feel bad or uncomfortable.  I think that would make me a hypocrite, and further, I have no interest at all in putting someone else down. 

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 12/29/2016
Smoke-Free Days: 270
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 6,750
Amount Saved: $810.00
Life Gained:
Days: 37 Hrs: 6 Mins: 41 Seconds: 55

Nadia, Quit CoachSep 25, 2017 @ 3:29 PM
Posts: 58
Joined: Mar 07, 2017 (1:51 PM)
Hello tinkerbelle2 and Smobered Up,

Nice to hear your comments about quitting smoking and the world around us! It's interesting how we must navigate this and avoid falling into the traps of going back to smoking. 
You are absolute right with respecting other people and their choices, just as we want them to do the same for us. 

Quitting smoking is a personal choice and process and we have to be mindful of how we treat others. We can control our environment (homes, cars, etc...), talk to family and friends about being considerate but we cannot impose on others. Besides, we are also acting like quitting ambassadors and no one responds to forceful behavior. 

Stay positive and enjoy your journey.. 
Nadia, Quit Coach
Smobered UpSep 25, 2017 @ 2:25 PM
Posts: 1574
Joined: Jul 03, 2010 (6:38 AM)

Age: 72
Gender: Female
Country: Canada
Occupation: retired
Hobbies: Cottage in the summer, Florida in the winter, Photography, NOT SMOKING ☺
Well said Tink!
This brings to mind that everything starts and ends with us. We hold the power. 
It sounds like your friend is using their quit to validate bad behaviour.  Sounds like a little more than the quit smoking "crankies". You gave good advice and I hope that they appreciate it was given in the light of friendship.   
Life goes on.....with or without us.  What I mean to say is the only real control we have is over what we do ourselves.  We have choices........  unfortunately some of us make bad ones.  
Good post......
Your quitter pal,
Smobered Up.
I am an addict aspiring to lifelong smobriety. 

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 10/15/2016
Smoke-Free Days: 345
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 8,625
Amount Saved: $3,881.25
Life Gained:
Days: 42 Hrs: 22 Mins: 8 Seconds: 56

The buck stops HERE!

tinkerbelle2Sep 25, 2017 @ 12:59 PM
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Age: 56
Gender: Female
Country: Canada
Occupation: Teacher's assistant
Hobbies: writing, being in nature
Hello to all.  A friend of mine quit about three weeks ago and since has become a real pain to the point I do not want to be around her outside of her house. She feels that because she has quit the world around her should change to suit her. She is demanding about anyone who is smoking near her and demands that people stop smoking because she is near. On Saturday I had enough of her attitude and laid down the hard facts to her.
 You have quit but that does not mean the world has. You do have control over places that you control such as your house, your car, your property and can make all the demands and rules you want to make on what is yours. However you haven't any right to demand that family and friends do not smoke when you are around them or do not smoke in their cars or homes or somewhere outside where they are allowed to smoke. You can ask but lately you will tell them you cannot smoke around me as if you are the Queen to be obeyed. It is not up to them to change their lives to accommodate that you have.
 When we quit those around us will still smoke. It is up to you to adjust your life around that they will. They may choose to not smoke around you but they do not have to and you cannot demand that they do so. Also if you put yourself by your own choice into situations that are high risk like going out to the smoking area at work then you do so at your own peril and have no right to complain that people were smoking there.  When I quit I had family members who still smoked in their houses but I did not have to the right to say to them you will no longer do so because of me. It  was up to me to decide if I wanted to go into their homes.
 Remember you need people around you to help with your quit. But if you alienate everyone then you will find you are alone. Unless someone is purposely trying to undermine your quit then you have to realize they also have rights. The world does not stop because you have. Remember as well that you were once one of them and know all about smoking and just because you have quit do not become holier than thou and look down on those who have. There is nothing worse than an ex smoker who forgets their past and what it is to be a smoker. Tink

Don't let life hold you down